Marriage is ‘the’ topic of conversation as soon as we cross 20 or sometimes even earlier. If you are a girl, and in that age bracket then, I am sure you can relate to at least one of these lines:
“No one will marry you unless you have at least a Master’s.”
“Why are you studying so much? Men don’t like their wives so educated.”
“You don’t need to work. Your husband will provide for you.”
“You should learn how to cook. It will be good for you after you get married.”
“Your in-laws won’t like this about you.”
“We need to fix that mark on your face. No one will want to marry you.”
20-24 is generally considered the limit in which every one of us should marry. Otherwise, the prospects of a good ‘rishta’ just go down the gutter. In other words, the goat is too old and no longer eligible for sacrifice.
When people go to purchase a goat for the sacrifice, they make sure that the animal is not that old. It has to be a “doondha” (2 teeth) not a “choogha” (4 teeth). 4 teeth goat is cheaper as compared to 2 teeth goat. The younger goat is more in demand. 6 teeth and 8 teeth goat are not even considered.
I do agree that 20-24 is a good age for a girl to marry but treat me like a human being, I don’t need to hear all that and get this goat-kind of special treatment.
Are we goats?
Undeserving yet Deserving
I now think myself to be someone undeserving, yet put on a market to be deserved by someone else. I grew up thinking I’m human; thinking my right to education was because I am meant to be an educated woman of this world. It feels like my education and all the other qualities I have are just my USP’s (unique selling proposition) to get a better “rishta”. I thought I was meant to stand on the same platform as all the other working men are.
I didn’t think it was fair to train me, polish me, and raise me like a goat. To be sold off to the wealthy, fancy owners. Shouldn’t my husband love me for who I am? Shouldn’t I have some character in me? Some personality?
Have you ever thought that the reason marriages are so bland and unhappy might be because parents like to train their daughters to be wary of their in-laws? You’ve taught me to cook, clean, and look after an entire family. But have you taught me to love, to nurture and to laugh? I’ve gone to school, and I’ve gained the best education you could provide for me—only to know that it was not for my benefit but for the biodata that has been handed out to every woman who has a son.
Could you let those sons look at me for me? I’m not a goat. I never was. So tell me, why do my looks, and cooking skills come before the real me? You’re sacrificing my spirit for the sake of cultural accomplishment.
We need to grow up!!!